Crappy Introductions xoxo

I'm not that flash when it comes to introductions. Really, I just suck at them. Completely and utterly suck. I don't even know where to start, what to say, etcetera etcetera. But I guess I should begin with a bit of an explanation as to why I've started this blog, right?

Okay. My whole life, I've had some major issues with eating. It started with binge eating, and eating in secret. That began when I was in grade 4, so around about age 9. I went from a normal weight for a young, active girl, to quite overweight - and fast. I couldn't get enough of any food, any fat, any junk. This was also around the time that I began to experience bullying at school. And no, the bullying wasn't due to the weight gain. Rather, the weight gain was due to the bullying.

Fast forward several years to October 2010. My mum's long-term on-again off-again partner (that's another story for another post) had just left us - again. The first time, mum had ended up in the mental ward and me in foster care. This time however, mum didn't go crazy. She went numb. And in many ways, that was a lot worse. She hated me, she blamed me, but she didn't even realise that she was treating me the way she was. Then again, I probably deserved it.

That's where my food habits changed. I felt so bad all the time, I just wanted to feel good about myself. I didn't really have any friends at school or outside of school. I needed something I could make sense of, something I could understand. Something to control.

One night, I google 'pro-ana'. That night changed my life.

Fast forward once more to the present day. The reason I am starting this blog. Well, I'll just say that for a month I had survived on under 500 calories a day, generally 200 to 300 calories on a normal day and 800 to 1000 calories when I was forced to eat a normal meal plus some. I was down to 47kg, 105lbs. And then it hit my 16th birthday celebration - I had prepared a high tea for me and 3 of my best friends, plus my mum and her partner (on-again), let's call him M. Well, only one of my friends came, J. And there was just so much food.......
And so the binging began again. For the last month, my first month of being 16, I have spent my days bloated and sick after gorges of 3000+ calories (I know, barf-city). Sure, I had days in-between where I had gained momentary control and consumed 100 to 300 calories, but you know what? Food's a bitch, and she's trying to screw me.

So that's why I've started this blog, to get back on track. Now, if I veer off track, I won't just be disappointed. I'll be embarrassed, ashamed, sick. Because my failure will be open to the public.

Therefore, I can't fail. I won't.

Here are my stats:
HW: 68.5kg/151lbs
LW: 46.9kg/104lbs
CW: 53.5kg/118lbs
GW1: 50kg/110lbs
GW2: 48kg/106lbs
GW3: 46kg/101lbs
UGW: 44kg/97lbs

I will reach my GW1 by the 8th of September. I will reach my GW2 by the 15th of September. I will reach my GW3 by the 25th of September. I will reach my UGW by the 10th of October.
I will do this.
I will.