That's what it is really, madness.
But I have decided how exactly I will reach my UGW of 44kg/97lbs. But I'll go into that later in the post. First up, what happened today. Well, I binged. And binged hard. Honestly, I had about 900cals... for breakfast alone. I probably breached 4000cals today. For the whole of August, ever since the day of my 16th birthday (end of July), I have been bingeing about 4 or 5 days a week. In that time, I went from 46.8kg to 54kg. It's DISGUSTING!
Anyway, I gained control of my binging the day I started this blog, and today has been my first binge. And I feel so horrible, because I'd cleaned my body out and lost a kilo/2lbs, and this just made me feel shit. So I know I'll be fine without a binge for about another week. Maybe if I can give myself 2 700-900 calories days this week, I'll avoid a binge altogether.
This stuff has really been taking a toll on my school work and social life. I've avoided social events (I'm invited to very few as it is) because of my fear of going overboard on food. I have an issue with anything over 500-600 calories meaning a failed day, therefore I may as well keep eating. I can't handle this properly, I can't handle this at all. It's screwing with my mind, my life, my health and well-being.
All I want is to be skinny again. It's within my reach, I know it is. I've been skinny before, maybe not skinny enough, but skinny none-the-less. And I can be skinny again. Right?
Anyway, the way I've decided to lose weight and be healthier too. Let me start by saying, I have a fairly bad lactose intolerance. If I have any dairy product, I generally get a horrible stomach ache and er, other symptoms. With that, I also don't enjoy eating meat. So, what does this have to do with my way of losing weight? Well, I'm going to go vegan. Follow a strict vegan diet, and only healthy foods. I sort of did this last year, and this year, and both times I felt so much healthier and so much more weightless. It was amazing. So yeah. Here's hoping! xx
But I have decided how exactly I will reach my UGW of 44kg/97lbs. But I'll go into that later in the post. First up, what happened today. Well, I binged. And binged hard. Honestly, I had about 900cals... for breakfast alone. I probably breached 4000cals today. For the whole of August, ever since the day of my 16th birthday (end of July), I have been bingeing about 4 or 5 days a week. In that time, I went from 46.8kg to 54kg. It's DISGUSTING!
Anyway, I gained control of my binging the day I started this blog, and today has been my first binge. And I feel so horrible, because I'd cleaned my body out and lost a kilo/2lbs, and this just made me feel shit. So I know I'll be fine without a binge for about another week. Maybe if I can give myself 2 700-900 calories days this week, I'll avoid a binge altogether.
This stuff has really been taking a toll on my school work and social life. I've avoided social events (I'm invited to very few as it is) because of my fear of going overboard on food. I have an issue with anything over 500-600 calories meaning a failed day, therefore I may as well keep eating. I can't handle this properly, I can't handle this at all. It's screwing with my mind, my life, my health and well-being.
All I want is to be skinny again. It's within my reach, I know it is. I've been skinny before, maybe not skinny enough, but skinny none-the-less. And I can be skinny again. Right?
Anyway, the way I've decided to lose weight and be healthier too. Let me start by saying, I have a fairly bad lactose intolerance. If I have any dairy product, I generally get a horrible stomach ache and er, other symptoms. With that, I also don't enjoy eating meat. So, what does this have to do with my way of losing weight? Well, I'm going to go vegan. Follow a strict vegan diet, and only healthy foods. I sort of did this last year, and this year, and both times I felt so much healthier and so much more weightless. It was amazing. So yeah. Here's hoping! xx
I'm going to get back to this. And further.
You look fabulous in that picture. That's what I'm striving for myself. Congratulations, you were just added to my thinspo ;D
ReplyDeleteThanks (: I'll be back there pretty soon. about 4kg to go, so in about 10 days :D
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